00Zeppo's Chaotic Days
by c-wolf
Summary: BuffyJames Bond crossover. 3rd in the Series. Following "In His Lady's Service" and "00Zeppo Returns"
1. Default Chapter

(please keep in mind that the longest flight I've been on was from Hollywood, CA to TN. And I generally sleep during flights. Also keep in mind I've never been on a concorde. Attempting to pull parts from descriptions I found on the internet. I'm trying to put a few facts in that I've found as well.)

As they got aboard, Xander just stared in wonder.

James smiled and allowed himself to be carried along in the enthusiasm. Then he took out a camera and handed it over. "Tourists seem to want to take pictures. I don't know why though."

Xander grinned and started to take one.

"Not yet. We're getting ready for take off. Since we do have the run of the plane, you get to choose where to sit. But for takeoff, and the first hour I want to show you something."

"Ok."

They walked to a certain area.

James gestured. "This is the aft cabin bulkhead row. Row 11 is where we'll sit initially. Now then, sit down and look forward. What do you see?"

"Um... a grey strip at the top with glowing numbers?"

"Basically, the Mach airspeed, altitude, outside air temerature, and the MPH ground speed equivalent of Mach. If you don't want to know how fast we're going, we can move." James grinned.

"I think I'll be ok here."

"Want the window seat?"

"Definitely."

"Everything has been stored already." He looked at Xanders carryon. "Books?"

"A few."

"We're ready for takeoff Mr. Bond." Said the one stewardess on board.

"We're ready."

She pushed a button to let the pilot know then buckled up.

It was possible that Buffy could've heard a "YEEEHAAA!" coming from the plane as it took off, but they were inside the waiting lounge building watching it fly away.

- - - - - - -

James blinked. One and a half hours into the flight, and Xander was already asleep.

He shook his head as the snores filling the area matched the sound of the plane in perfect harmony.

Xander snorted, then sat up. He looked around dazedly, then relaxed.

Their stewardess named Joanna, walked up. "Would you care for something to eat or drink?"

Xander composed himself. "Cherry coke?"

"Vodka Martini for me. Shaken not stirred."

"Of course."

Xander stared at him.

James stared back. "I indulge. If nothing else, having too much to drink dulls my reflexes. You don't have to be afraid."

Xander shrugged. "Just checking."

After they got their drinks, they sipped in silence. Then James looked over again.

"One thing that I've been meaning to ask."

"Yes?"

"A lot of your knowledge seems to be military in origin... yet you've never received that type of training."

Xander sighed. "One of the many quirks of a hellmouth. Also a reason why everyone in town has decided to ignore Halloween even if it means loss in revenue."

"Oh?"

"This former acquaintance of Giles from his wild days showed up in town." Xander shook his head. "We all thought he'd been stuffy his whole life. Imagine how surprised we were to discover that he walked on the dark side with wild magic back then. Of course he got out, Ethan Rayne went deeper."

"Ethan..."

"From what Giles said, he's a chaos mage. Something about serving Chaos and loving to see the results. He Also said that Ethan isn't necessarily evil, it's just his actions always have unplanned results that wind up serving it. Hence the chaos part."

James blinked.

Xander grinned morbidly. "Halloween, and chaos spells, and a little magic costume shop called Ethan's oh my. The last thing I needed in my head was the memories of a Special Forces Lieutenant in a war or battle that I can't really place. The nightmares were scary, but the locations were vague."

Xander shook his head. "They faded, the training didn't. But telling everyone was out of the question. Knowing Buffy she'd try to find a way to have a spell remove it, and voila. Mr. Drooly."

James shook his head. "Your life is interesting."  
  
Xander snorted. "Nah, that was the boring part of it. Don't get me started on the ugly stuff. Though I will tell you, it was funny seeing Buffy dressed up as a noblewoman... screaming at a car. She kept saying something about saving her from a demon."

James laughed.

Elsewhere, Ethan Rayne walked out of London's Heathrow terminal, and hailed a cab. He grimaced. Rupert and his righteous attitude and contacts had made it hard for him to stay in the U.S. Oh well.

He grinned. "London, here I come."


	2. Chaos and meetings

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or James Bond (I meant to put that in earlier)

Xander and James talked for awhile longer.

"This is your Captain. We're getting ready to land." The seatbelt light came on. They both buckled up.

Xander smiled. "Not bad, considering it's my first flight."

"What?"

"Well, Mom and the idiot spent too much money on drinks. I'm actually surprised that they remembered to buy me clothes and food. Flying would have been out of the question."

James shook his head. "Be thankful. Half the time, I'm on a standard flight. Even in first class, I still run into a noisy kid or two."

"Speaking of kids, I'm 18. We didn't exactly spend too much time being father and son. What with two separate apocalypses and all. Though the Frawee was minor compared to the rest."

James looked at Xander. "Well, I'm not going to drop the fatherhood thing now."

"Good."

"And here comes the landing."

Xander sat thinking as he looked out the window. "I really hope Willow's comment to me doesn't come true."

"Which one?"

"When I said 'What could happen?'. She reminded me that we've said that before."

James sighed. "If it happens, it happens."

"Right."

"If it does, it probably would have if you didn't come with me. So at least London has one more person around to handle it."

"Not exactly comforting,"

"Maybe not, but it's true."

Xander thought some more. "You do realize that this won't be a vacation for me... I plan on doing a little patrolling."

"A duplicate of everything we had in Sunnydale has already been set up. Q tends to be one step ahead of me."

Xander grinned.

"And M has an ID set up for you. It'll make it legal for you to carry the weapons you'll have with you. As well as an official status to keep the local law enforcement off your back."

"And what will the cover story be?"

"We'll talk to M about that."

- - - - - -

Ethan was sitting in a restaurant with a somewhat dubious atmosphere. It had a mixture of biker types and a couple of demons who could fit in human society. A hand slammed down on his table. Ethan looked up.

"You're in my seat." growled a six foot tall man with long hair and a beer belly.

Ethan grinned. "Really. What makes you think that?"

Two of London's finest were walking by the restaurant when they heard screams. When they ran in, they stopped in shock. Two bikers were clinging to each other on a table as they screamed. Below them was an innocent looking chair. Or it was until it jumped and appeared to snap.

Another man was curled in a corner with wide eyes. He was whimpering "The silverware do not talk, the silverware do not talk."

The bartender was noticeably absent.

On the opposite side of the room, Ethan sat calmly watching. As for the man who had accosted him, he wasn't anywhere to be seen.

- - - - - -

"Hello James."

"Moneypenny."

Xander stared. "Um, wasn't my mother..."

"It's a codename. But your mother's name was Penny."

"Ah."

"So this is your protege, James?"

"Yes. M asked me to bring him by for a visit."

The lady shook her head. "And no time to spend with me."

Bond leaned on the desk. "I could, but M is on a tight schedule."

"Maybe next time."

"I always try to make time for you."

M's voice was heard. "MoneyPenny, could you flirt with James later. He and Xander are here to speak with me after all."

She blushed. "M will see you now."

"It's always a pleasure, MoneyPenny."

– - - - - - -

M shook her head. "Teaching your son flirting habits are you?"

"Not at all M. Just showing him some tactics."

"Right." M leaned over the desk. "So you're the one that has proven people don't have to be trained to save the world."

Xander grinned. "Sort of. I learned as I went along."

"Ah. Would you please enlighten me on certain information about this Hellmouth and how long the supernatural have been around terrorizing people?"

Xander shrugged. "Giles could give you more info."

"I'm sure, but you are here."

"That's true. Well, as Giles said, the world is older than you think. I could go into the long description. But I'll skip to the important parts. Such as the Slayer, and the fact that not all demons serve evil. Especially one Vampire who gained a soul."

They talked for three or four hours, with M showing only a polite facade. When it was finished, she asked Xander to leave so she could talk to Bond.

"Well James, that was interesting."

"Indeed."

"Scary in fact."

Bond blinked.

"Why do I have the feeling that our agents are going to be getting training in fighting the supernatural?"

"I don't know."

"I did, after the Whistler incident, put out a warning to all agencies to keep me informed of weird things."

"Ah."

"One occured tonight."

Bond blinked.

"I think you and Xander need to talk to Q about equipment, then go investigate."


	3. Information and power plays

(I admit that I'm taking a few liberties in the fact that Ethan is coming across as somewhat more powerful)

M had given James and Xander the faxes that had come through. They sat and skimmed through them before putting them in the shredder.

Xander shook his head. "That was.... weird. Though, a little tame compared to the usual."

James blinked. "Tame?"

"Well, you've got to admit, a snapping chair is a little humorous. And the officers on site are still trying to shut the silverware up long enough to figure out what's going on."

They got into an elevator and headed down to Q branch's level. When they got off, they saw Q standing on the far side of the room. As they made their way over, a tech walked by. He looked over, and blanched.

"Not you! Not again!" Then he ran out of the room.

Xander sighed. "It's not like Willow is here or anything."

"You were the one that triggered the missile and hit Angel."

"Yeah, but she's the one that hit the poor guy in the rear."

"Ah Double 0 Seven, and Xander. I've been expecting you."

"Hello Q."

Q walked over, adjusting something as he did.

Q looked at the two. "I'm afraid that things will have to be more subtle here than in Sunnydale. You can continue to use the special explosive belts as a last resort. The crossbows however, even with their small size, are still risky."

"I take it you've got something better?"

"Not exactly. I've loaded a few handguns with a similar type of ammunition to the one in your shotguns. It will require more precise marksmanship however." Q handed over two .44 magnums.

James and Xander checked to make sure they were in good condition.

"The safety is located in the standard spot. James will help you become familiar with it so you can have it ready for use fairly quickly."

James nodded. "What about transportation?"

Q gestured. In the far section was a silver car similar to the ones in Sunnydale. "I've added a surveillance drone, and loaded it with a flamethrower weapon just in case. However, the ammunition won't last more than a 30 second burst."

Xander grinned. "Can you have someone put one in Sunnydale?"

"I've already done so."

- - - - - - -

Xander and James got out at the restaurant, and walked forward. They flashed the ID's and were let in after they were crosschecked with headquarters.

They both blinked at the sight of a few officers standing around a hopping chair. They had managed to get ropes around it and were holding them tight without any slack.

Two others were staring slack jawed at a set of silverware that was conversing about a few of England's obsolete laws.

Xander walked around the restaurant while James talked. When he walked up to one table, he noticed an interesting mark on it. It wasn't familiar, but then he wasn't exactly versed in everything. When he looked at the chair, he noticed the same mark.

"Bond."

"Harris?"

"Come look at this."

- - - - - -

Ethan had been asked a few questions, then he was let go. He walked to a hotel a few blocks away, and checked in. He went upstairs and lay down on the bed. Then he laughed softly. Ah yes, it was going to be fun. It'd be even more fun if people never figured out that the chair had once been a biker. As for the talking silverware, he'd let the bartender and waitress go back to normal after a week or so.

Next on his agenda, was giving the watcher's council a little trouble. After all, they were getting lazy. And laziness didn't make for interesting chaos. He'd just have to have a few words with the local demons. Maybe even inspire them to terrorize the city. Even better, the people would acknowledge the existence of the supernatural, and panic would set in.


	4. Warnings

M stood in Q section and watched impassively as two techs chatted with a talking fork and spoon. Q meanwhile was pacing back and forth as he stared at an apparently untamed wooden chair as it snapped at the bulletproof glass every once in a while.

Bond walked up to her. "An interesting predicament."

"Yes. What does Xander say?"

"He's calling Giles" Bond paused with a smile on his face. "Or, G-man."

M raised an eyebrow. "G-man?"

"Apparently it's Xander's name for him."

"Ah. Are you sure this is magic? We've run across electronic devices before…"

"Q says that the properties of the silverware and chair both are normal metal and wood. There isn't anything abnormal anywhere except the symbols burned into them."

M shook her head. "Things are never normal around you."

"Of course not. Life would be boring."

- - - - -

"G-man."

"Xander, must you call me that infernal name!"

Xander grinned.

Giles sighed. "I can hear you smiling. What do you want? I'm trying to take a break from reorganizing everything in the library section at the warehouse."

"That's why I called. It's another research session."

"What is it?"

"I've faxed some weird symbols over to Jones. I've made sure to fax them out of order and in random groups just in case. I've also written down the order they were in when I found them."

"Very… cautious of you."

"Well, I did learn a few things."

"What happened?"

"Would you believe talking silverware and a feral restaurant chair?"

Giles stared at the phone as Xander hung up. "Dear Lord, what now?"

- - - - - - -

Giles stood at the table with Fred, Jones, and Willow. Buffy was enjoying a night of complete boredom with her mother. Compared to the Mayor, boredom was exactly what was needed. Faith was flirting with a tech across the room.

Fred looked at Jones, then they both looked at Giles. "So?"

"The symbols alone can animate objects. But together… they transform and change properties?" Giles adjusted his glasses. "I've actually only seen one…. Dear Lord."

"What?"

"I need you to call Xander now."

"On it."

- - - - -

Xander walked into Q branch. "What do you think, Q?"

"You and 007 are exactly alike. You bring annoying things to me and expect me to fix them. At least these aren't in pieces like a lot of what he brings."

"Um…. Sorry?"

M walked up. "Well?"

Xander shook his head. "Giles is on his way to the warehouse. Jones and Fred both have my number." Then he looked down as they both heard a beep. "Speaking of which."

"G-man." He heard Giles groan.

"Xander, listen carefully."

"I'm all ears."

"It looks like Ethan is up to his old tricks.

Xander stared at the phone. "Ethan Rayne?"

"Yes."

"Oh good. And here I thought that we were going to have a tough time."

"Must you be so flippant?"

Xander grinned. "You know me."

"Yes I do. That's why I want you to be prepared. I can't come over, and Willow isn't ready." Giles paused. "And I doubt MI-6 is either. But at least they are of some use."

Xander looked at James. "I've read a few things with M's permission, Giles. I don't think Ethan will have as easy a time against Bond as you think."

"Oh?"

"Let's just say that a Voo-Doo priest found it hard to kill him."

"Just take care of yourself. I don't know why Ethan is in London, but he doesn't take vacations."

"Understood."


	5. Driving London Crazy

(I find myself working on three different stories right now… I'm bogged down. So I'm going to take a break, and work a little at a time. But don't worry I'm still continuing this.)

Ethan smiled to himself as he walked away from the hotel. It was going to be a great day. Who knew, he might even get to take on a few watchers.

As he continued to muse, he walked by an apartment building. A woman ran out of it yelling.

"Someone help me, please!"

Ethan paused. "Yes?"

A man ran out. "Come back here!"

She hid behind Ethan. He shook his head as the man continued yelling.

"I think the lady wants to be somewhere else."

"Who asked you!"

Ethan sighed and gestured with his right hand at a nearby car. The man reflexively turned to it, then screamed and tried to run.

Ethan offered his arm to the woman as she stood in shock. "Shall we?" She took it and they walked away. Behind them, the man was being dragged screaming down the road by a BMW that had somehow grown a mouth and sharp teeth.

"Ah, modern life. So noisy."

- - - - - -

M stared at Xander and James. "So, this Ethan Rayne is here?"

Xander nodded. "And seems to be causing trouble. Giles did inform me that the silverware will revert to normal in about a week. But the symbols on the chair are a little different."

M blinked then sighed. "Well, Q might actually be glad to hear that… he's enjoying himself immensely."

Bond smiled.

"So, how do we go about finding him?"

Xander shook his head. "It's not going to be easy. While it is possible to follow his trail of destruction… there isn't always a guarantee that he'll be there."

M's intercom beeped. "Yes MoneyPenny?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, but there seems to be another incident."

"Where?"

"It's been herded into an abandoned warehouse. They have it penned up, but are still trying to figure out how to get the hostage loose."

M looked at James and Xander. "What is it, and what hostage?"

"It's an automobile… with its teeth clamped on a man's arm. The man seems to be breathing still."

"Teeth?"

- - - - - -

Xander and James stood with Q outside the warehouse. Their techs had finally been able to coax the car to let go of its victim… with three cans of oil of all things.

"I hate to admit it, but Ethan sure knows how to put on a show."

James and Q stared at him.

"What? Nobody died."

They watched as the BMW was backed into a forklift and surrounded by others. Then the lifts caught it underneath its body and hoisted it into the air. One of the operators looked over at Q.

"Now what?"

"I guess we wait till it runs out of gas. Just leave them like that. We'll leave a detail here to make sure the curious stay out."

James smiled slightly. "Well, life is interesting in your world Xander."

"Its your world too. You just never got the chance to see it before."

"There is that."

They walked away with Q.

James looked around. "How do we handle him?"

"We drive around till we find him or sign of him being there."

"Then?"

"Hope he's in a good mood. From the signs, I'd say he's in a playful one right now. But something's got him riled up. Let's just hope we find out what it is, before he gets to it. The damage might be more than we can handle."

Q shook his head. "Then I guess I'd better work on some new equipment for you… and call our various insurances."

- - - - - - -

The woman looked at Ethan. "Are you sure…"

"I'm sure. I've got some friends to see."

"What if he…"

Ethan grinned. "I doubt he'll forget it anytime soon." Then he walked away.

At the hospital, her ex-husband screamed as a bed pan took a chunk out of his rear while a harried doctor and two MI-6 agents tried to drag it off. None of them noticed a glowing mark on his right arm.


	6. Welcome to the Looney Bin

M walked into Q's laboratory garage, and paused. The possessed BMW roared by in pursuit of a tire with bells attached.

"Amusing yourself at work, Q?"

Q was tinkering a device of some sort. He looked up. "What? Oh, well, I've always wanted a pet. Besides, he might be useful in tracking Ethan Rayne… if I can get the right smell."

"He?"

-

The next tour was just beginning at the Tower of London, when all heck broke loose.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Why is there a man using his head as a bowling ball?"

"What?" She looked around, and saw a ghost… bowling with another taking score. They looked around.

"Ah nuts, Henry. They saw us!"

"Mommy, why are we running away?"

Elsewhere, the royal sceptor was floating in midair, while beating guards about the head.

-

A dazed clerk at a steeplechase, took random bits of things from several horses who were placing bets on how well their humans could jump. In the background, several people in red were trying to leap over obstacles and failing miserably.

James and Xander stood watching from a distance.

"There's something you don't see everyday."

"Could be a new trend…"

"Exercise routine?"

-

"London Police."

"My cat is missing…"

"I'm sorry but…"

"The flying spoon said they'd be back in a day or so…"

"What?"

The supervisor walked up at that point. "What happened?"

"Ma'am, can I put you on hold."

"But I need to get Snookum's back"

The operator rubbed his eyes. "Sir…" then an officer called.

"This is Officer Jones… I need back up. We're being dive bombed by flying pigs. I repeat, flying pigs!" Then screaming was heard. "Not that! Anything but that!"

The line went dead.

James and Xander drove away after reassuring the clerk that he was really just dreaming. They left him curled in a ball in his office, with a horse massaging his back as he rocked back and forth. As they continued in search of Ethan, they watched an officer run by screaming. He was dressed in a Michael Jackson outfit complete with gloves. Following along behind him were several pigs with wings.

They blinked.

Meanwhile, the supervisor took over while the controller stared wide-eyed at the blinking lights as he whimpered.

"No sir, I do not know why a tree picked you up and threatened you with severe damage if you did not quit smoking." He hung up, and rubbed his eyebrows. The lines rang again.

"Help me!"

"What is it sir?"

"The crumpets are revolting!"

"Try less tea!" He hung up again.

Then the normally unflappable supervisor screamed as his computer monitor grew eyeballs, a mouth, and legs and started chasing him and the controller around the room.

-

Several bystanders looked in shock at the supposedly stoic and silent guards in front of the palace. They were dressed only in boxers, and were trying desperately to chase their clothes down. Several items were doing the cha-cha while one set was stripping to an unheard tune.

The Queen blinked as several paintings started yelling at each other to be quiet.

-

"Q?" M paused. "Quit petting the car, and listen to me."

"Sorry M."

"Things are getting worse, have you got it ready to search yet?"

"Of course, and he's raring to go. I just gave him some improved gas and oil."

"Just get a move on!"


	7. Adventures, and explanations

Further disclaimer: I do not own the movie that Steve Irwin did.

(Extremely minor reference to the Crocodile Hunter's movie. )

M glared at Q's television in his work area as the news continued to report. Then she turned around. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, I believe so. Precious has been quiet enough for me to install the standard defenses. I don't want to risk the offensive yet until I've trained him."

M blinked. "Precious?"

Q looked confused. "Don't owners name their pets?"

M rubbed her eyes. Then she turned in shock as she heard the next report. Q stared wide-eyed as well.

On the screen were pictures of several Concorde planes at an airport…. flapping their wings up and down and hopping forward every few seconds.

"We interrupt with this special bulletin. These pictures were taken ten minutes ago. The Concorde's were last seen flying toward Hawaii. On the line is Steve Irwin, known by some as The Crocodile Hunter. He was visiting England today."

"Well mates, it appears that the planes are duplicating the migratory patterns of several species of birds. Take special note of the fact that Hawaii is currently warmer than England. It's understandable that these planes should want a warmer climate…"

"Thank you Steve. Back to other news."

"Q, take Agent Barnes, and leave now!" M yelled in exasperation.

Q nodded and they left.

M sat down and rested her head on her hands. "Just because that idiot pulled a dangerous prototype out of a crocodile…."

Behind her, a crash was heard followed by screams and slaps. One of the techs ran past her and paused.

"What happened?"

"Remember the talking silverware?"

"Hard to forget."

"They were apparently people originally…"

M joined him and they both watched for a few seconds as a naked 5 foot 8 250 pound man was chased by a naked five foot 3 woman.

"How dare you!"

"But I don't know where we are either!"

"I'll sue!"

M sighed and went to search for headache medicine.

-

Barnes looked out the window, then paused. "Shouldn't we be going faster?"

"Well, he does have to find the trail first."

A harried officer who'd just got finished herding a bunch of angry two feet tall dust bunnies into an abandoned warehouse paused in shock. A black bmw was literally shuffling on all four wheels down the road at a slow crawl. Then he blinked and slowly walked up to it. The car ignored him. He tapped on the window.

Q rolled it down. "Yes?"

"Excuse me, is it just me or is the car tracking something."

"Oh, he's tracking. He's got a very good sniffer."

"Ah…" The officer blinked again. "Doesn't it seem…. Odd that it's actions are similar to an old American cartoon called Speed Buggy."

"Now that you mention it…" Q blinked in perplexity.

As they spoke, a man ran screaming out of a nearby restaurant. "Blackbirds… why'd it have to be black birds? All I wanted was a cherry pie!" Flying after him were four and twenty blackbirds covered in something dripping.

"Um… I think I'll just go and report in now…"

Q nodded. "Have fun."

"I'd rather not… boredom is much better." He mumbled as he walked to his car and got in. He called headquarters, but hung up when he heard screaming. Then he whimpered and curled up in a ball.

Q shook his head. "An interesting fellow."

Barnes just stared wide-eyed at the chaos. The BMW continued to sniff its way down the road.

-

James continued to drive. "So this is what a chaos mage does…"

Xander smiled slightly. "Well, sort of… Giles can do explanations better. All I can give you is what Oz told me once."

"And that is?"

"That supernatural is 'natural times whatever number you can think of'. Then there's chaos which is basically, anything that could be conceived of will happen. Combine the two, and you have something interesting."

They drove by two mannequins dancing in a store window while a third played a violin.

-

Quentin Travers stared out the window. A watcher came in. He turned around.

"Any word?"

"Not as of yet. Things are still happening, and it seems to be getting worse."

"Any prophecies on this?"

"No sir… and as of yet, no deaths either."

Quentin shook his head. "Somebody is either playing a bad joke… or their trying to attract attention to magic. We can't have that."

"Yes sir."

Ethan grinned as he sipped tea in a restaurant about a mile away from the council headquarters. "The Watchers should be paying attention now… maybe it's time to help them focus a little before I visit."

-

M stood straight as she talked into the phone. "Yes Your Majesty. I'm fully aware of things here." M paused. "No, I don't know as of yet. I do, however, have an idea. No specifics… Unless of course you believe in magic."

She held the phone away from her ear for a second then put it back. "I am serious, Your Majesty. Everything fits together. Somebody out there is playing with some powerful forces. We have a few people out trying to track some leads."

M blinked. "Yes, I just had a Cat Scan not more than two days ago."


	8. Berating and reintroductions

(quick note: Newton's Cradle is the name of what was in Magneto's office in the first Xmen. The metal balls that were swinging back and forth banging into each other. Thanks for the info Marlana. Slight writers block for awhile. But should have another chapter up in a couple days.)

Quentin sighed as he walked down the hallway. It made no sense. These things always precluded an apocalypse. Yet, it didn't seem to be the case this time.

As he walked by one of the small libraries they had for the more benign books where the watchers could read at leisure, he paused. Were those screams? He opened the door and stared.

One of the first years was cowering in a corner with a book floating above his head. His clothes were in tatters. The title of the book was "Benign herbivore demons and how best to keep them that way."

As Quentin started to walk forward, he heard something from down the hallway in a conference room.

When he got there, he found a strange man sitting at the far end of the table. Then Quentin blinked.

The man spoke. "Ah, Mr…Travers was it? I never can get the names of stuffy watchers straight. Ripper's the only one I can remember, and he and I go back a long way."

Quentin stared. "May I ask what you've done to my watchers?"

"Just a little fun. They should stop screaming in a minute."

"Actually, I was referring to the ones upside down on the ceiling."

"Ah." Three tightly bound figures were swinging back and forth banging heads together. "I've always wanted a Newton's Cradle."

Quentin walked toward a chair near him and sat down. He put his arms on the table and steepled his fingers. "And you couldn't buy one?"

The man grinned. "Shopping is such a hassle."

"Yes, I suppose it is." Quentin leaned back in his chair. "Since you know my name, may I know yours?"

"Just call me Ethan."

"So what may I do for you?"

"Let's talk about that shall we?"

* * *

Bond and Xander stopped for a minute. "We need to eat something before we continue this."

Xander grinned. "You sure? I might eat them out of house and home."

"M would cover it I'm sure."

"Well then, let's go."

As they opened the door to the small restaurant, they walked by a couple staring blankly at the newspaper. On it was an article about world politics involving the U.S. If Bond and Xander had looked closely, they would have seen the pictures moving.

In one of them, a cricket player from a different photo was beating a senator about the face. Another politician was doing a remarkable flying kick from the movie Matrix as The Secretary of Defense flew back into a wall.

The frazzled owner of the place walked up to them. "Can I help you?" He asked while flinching at random shadows.

Bond looked around. "We just need something that won't take you much time."

The owner blinked. "Sandwiches and tea?"

Bond nodded.

"Wait here and I'll get it for you." As the owner opened the kitchen door, random crashes could be heard.

Back at headquarters M was still carrying on a discussion with The Queen.

"Your Majesty, I'm really not sure what I can do about the suits of armor having swordfights in the courtyard… did you say the guards are placing bets on them?"

* * *

The agent jumped when Q yelled out. "Aha!"

"What happened?"

Q finished adjusting some wiring. "I finally got the pesky defense system worked out."

Then they both blinked as the BMW arched its back and gave forth a growl. Two feet away was a red Ferrari. It was turned sideways with an arched back and stalking forward.

"Well, there's something you don't see everyday."

People ran screaming every which way as paint flecks, a random tire, and weirdly enough furry dice went flying all around.

In the background, was the resounding cry of "PRECIOUS!"

* * *

Ethan and Quentin sat in their respective seats, while drinking tea. The three watchers continued to swing.

Quentin sighed. "As enjoyable as this is…"

"Yes. Might as well get to it." Ethan put his cup down. "Let us talk about your treatment of Ripper, I mean Rupert Giles."

"Is that what this is about?"

"Surprised?"

"Not anymore with him and his annoying ways around."

Ethan nodded. "You know. It wasn't until after I caused trouble in Sunnydale that I realized how many times Ripper and Buffy saved the world. Hence why I lead Eygon there."

"You what!"

Ethan sighed. "Well, I couldn't stop him."

"I take it they won?"

Ethan nodded. "Oh yes. But Ripper just didn't seem to appreciate that I put a similar mark on Buffy to throw Eygon off. After all, she was the one most likely to succeed. He really needs to relax." Ethan grinned.

Quentin shook his head. "And the point of this is?"

"The side of good causes as much chaos to evil as evil causes to good. Don't get me wrong, I love it all. But I don't want the type of chaos that Hell on Earth would bring."

Then Ethan glared. "And you know as well as I do that that would have happened if you had taken full control of her."

Quentin sipped his tea. "We've already decided to leave them alone. Besides, when another slayer is called, that one will be ours."

"Ah yes. Another lap dog."

"Excuse me?"

"Thanks to you, I've actually had to cause chaos. If you didn't have the potentials under tight control, I could actually relax a little."

Quentin stared. "So this is what it's all about."

"What, too obvious?"

"I thought you cared about Buffy."

Ethan shook his head. "I care about the world in my own way. Can't have fun if people aren't around to enjoy it. But, no, I don't like her." Then he leaned forward. "She's just why we're all still alive, that's all."

Then he lifted his cup in a toast and spoke "To Buffy." Without any sarcasm. Then the lights went out, followed by three thumps. When they came back on, he was gone.

The three watchers lay in crumpled heaps on the floor. Quentin sat and stared into space.

(insert Divider Line)

Bond and Xander walked out. Then they stood in silence at a scratched and dented BMW. Q was standing at the front of it and shaking his finger while berating it loudly. The car was crouched low on the ground and issuing a whimper.

"I can understand you getting into a fight with another car! But trying to mate with a Yugo! I thought you had better taste!"

Xander and Bond laughed loudly. As they did, a figure turned the corner.

"Ah, if it isn't the young man I sold the costume to."

Xander glared. "Ethan."

"Were you looking for me?"


	9. Chapter 9

Things were quiet after the explosive graduation. They had also settled down to a relatively normal hum.

Xander had left with James Bond several days before. Patrolling continued as normal.

Fred pulled up to Giles apartment, and sat for a minute thinking. Then he set the defences, and got out.

He walked up and knocked on the door. It opened after a few seconds.

Giles stared for a second then moved to one side.

"Thank you." Then Fred walked in.

Giles gestured to a couch. "Would you like some tea?"

"No thanks."

Giles nodded and poured himself a cup. Then he sat down. "So. What can I do for you?"

Fred steepled his fingers. "Tell me, Mr. Giles. Where did you get the timer that we used for the explosives?"

Giles paused while sipping. Then he finished and held the cup and saucer in his hands. "I found it detached from a bomb directly below the library."

Giles then started to take another sip.

"That wouldn't happen to be the same bomb that Xander kept from blowing up, would it?"

Fred then ducked as some tea flew over his head.

"Dear Lord!"

(insert Divider Line)

Bond gestured back into the restaurant. "Shall we sit and discuss some things?"

Xander glanced at him then sighed. "Why not."

Ethan grinned and started to walk in.

Q glanced up. "Is there any way to train this contraption?" He asked, pointing toward the BMW that was sniffing a sewer vent.

Ethan blinked. "It's still around? I can bring things back to normal…" He said and started to gesture.

Q waved his hands in front of him. "NO!"

Ethan paused then shrugged. "I'm sure some type of dog training manual will help." Then he turned and followed James and Xander.

Q watched him go with a perplexed look on his face.

The owner of the restaurant watched his customers walk in. "Back so soon?"

Bond nodded. "A private booth this time, if you please."

"Of course."

Xander followed along silently.

They were lead to a door in back.

"This is a conference room we set aside occasionally. Will you be wanting menus?"

Xander shook his head. "Probably not. We'll probably be talking too much."

The owner nodded. "Just let me know if you need anything." Then he walked away.

Bond gestured to a seat. "Please be seated."

Ethan grinned and sat down. Xander sat across from him and glared. Bond sat in another chair.

"So tell me, Ethan. What brings you to London?" Bond asked.

"A little of this, a little of that."

"Could you be more specific?"

Ethan shrugged. "I wanted to have a little chat with the Watchers Council. More specifically, Travers."

Xander blinked. "So you caused all that for what? A diversion?"

"Precisely." Ethan said. "And congratulations on guessing it. The Watchers were spreading themselves thin trying to find out what was happening."

Xander rubbed his head. "Why did you want to talk to them?"

"They've mistreated Slayers. Miss Summers more specifically."

Xander stared for a second. "Didn't you do the same on one occasion?"

"Yes. But after seeing the results, specifically the times she's saved the world… I've come to a few conclusions."

"And they are?"

"Preventing chaos causes chaos in its own way. And the last thing I want is the amount of chaos that comes from the portal to hell being opened."

"For a second there, I thought you were going to say you cared about her. It just doesn't fit with you." Xander spoke with a neutral tone of voice.

"She amuses me. Yes. But that's it."

"So basically, you're saving your own skin?"

"Of course."

Xander groaned. "I feel sorry for Giles."

Ethan nodded. "Yes. I do tend to stress him out."

Bond shook his head. "Back on topic. What about all the damage you've caused?"

Ethan grinned and waved a hand and a flash of light appeared. "Everything except the BMW back to normal."

"Q's?"

"Is that his name? He asked me not to change it back."

Bond and Xander stared at each other then back at Ethan.

Then Bond spoke. "And the people who saw all of it?"

Ethan shook his head. "I can't change that. Part of my goal was to make people aware of the not so normal." Then he smiled. "It causes such wonderful chaos…"

Xander glared at him, then got out of his chair and started forward.

Ethan shook his head and wagged a finger at him. "Sorry. Not today."

Then there was another flash. When it was gone, so was he.

Bond blinked. "I take it that this is normal?"

Xander sighed. "Ask Giles. That's his department."

As they stood to leave, Xander's communicator beeped.

"Hello?"

Giles voice came through. "Xander… why didn't you tell us about the bomb?"

Xander blinked then sighed again. "Would you have believed me?" Then he hung up.

He and Bond walked out and drove back to headquarters.

(insert Divider Line)

M hung up as Bond and Xander walked in. "Well?"

"We found him. Or rather he came to us."

M shook her head. "I just finished talking to The Queen. She… wasn't too thrilled with the existence of magic, but believed me."

Xander nodded. "So what now?"

M steepled her fingers. "Now you bring my people up to speed on everything you know about the supernatural."

"What?"

"Welcome to your first day as a teacher, Mr. Bond."

Ethan stood in a small restaurant, two hundred miles away. He was writing in a small notebook.

"Hmm… I wonder how annoyed Saddam Hussein will be if I pay him a visit." Then he cackled. "Maybe he'll surrender to the U.S."

Back in London, the ex-husband lay whimpering in a hospital bed.

A nurse stood outside the room. "It shouldn't be possible Doctor. But it is."

"Yes I know. I didn't think a needle could jam that far between someone's legs."

(I have a vague idea for an Ethan centered story based in this universe. The title will be "Chaos Follows.)


End file.
